" I'm a man and I can change... if I have to" quote from the Red Green Show

As far as I can tell, the two most difficult things we do as adults are

  1. Become an effective parent.

  2. Create an emotionally healthy emotionally intimate adult relationship.

    Both require skills. Skills we do not get from schooling, jobs, or life in general. When I sit with couples in therapy the question inevitably arises for both the man and the woman, “what do you know about women/men?'“ The two most common responses I receive are either a feeble attempt to answer the question which is almost always wrong or most often from men, nothing more than a blank stare and a shrug of the shoulders. And yet, our relationships with our spouses, girl or boy friends is primary in our lives outside those of our children. And with knowing little or nothing about our partners, we expect our relationships to survive?

    Many men I see in couple’s therapy who are there as a last resort trying to save their relationships out of desperation seem to think we are still in the last century where women do the child rearing and housework and men do the outside stuff like protecting her from sabre tooth tigers and work on cars. Nothing could be further from the truth. Women have been liberated. That means that they are quite self-sufficient with their access to an education and the ability to create successful careers without the need or support of a man.

    However, women are all about relationships. They want relationships, but they do not need one. This is a big difference and many men seem to have missed this point over the last several decades. It means that a woman will work and work to create a relationship, but when she has had enough hurts, big and small because her partner does not understand her and her needs, she will walk away. And most men don’t have a clue about her pain until the house is empty.

    These problems are fixable men, if you are willing to learn and make some changes. What do you want? An empty house? An angry life because she left you? Facing starting all over and hoping it works this time? Child support? Or a healthy relationship and a warm home? Call or email Kristopher (775-400-2996) or Kristopher@familywellnesscenter.net to learn about and join an educational and skills development group just for men about relationships.